you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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