put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
