Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
