I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
