I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?