Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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