I cockslap morals
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.