I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?