I'm drive I can fine osifer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
