Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.