Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.