So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
