im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
