You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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