mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize