Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
