so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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