Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
