mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
