all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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