I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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