Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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