he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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