I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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