It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
