so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
