well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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