I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
