You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
