Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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