so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
