Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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