I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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