Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
