this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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