I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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