It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
