I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
