I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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