yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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