she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
