He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize