we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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