It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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