She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This toilet bowl is my home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
