Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
