Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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