Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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