You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
