Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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