How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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