I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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