in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
