yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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