stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have post one night stand depression
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