some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
