If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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