Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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