the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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