ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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