Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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