allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
