He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
