i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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