i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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