went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
