Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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