she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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