Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
