I showed him my bush... on skype.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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