i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
