You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
