My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
