I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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