Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
