we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
