I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
